Dear Diary,

Another day, another boring meeting to attend, I know I said it was my duty and everything and that I was glad to do it, but after your fourth boring meeting of the day, you kind of forget that. So when number five came around I quickly snuck out and made my way to garden where my ultra delicious secret fiancé, Andrew, was waiting there for me.

You see, I have two fiancés. Andrew is my secret one that I love beyond belief. But Attilal has been picked out for me by my father. You see he is our head knight, and since I am the princess, we are supposed to marry. And I do love Attilal, just not in that manner. You see, I see him as more of an older brother like figure. He is a good ten years older than me, and always protected me and looked after me like an older brother should. He was my teacher in all things sword play and military, and a good one at that.

Andrew Ethan Langer, there are no words to describe what he means to me. He is my best friend. We met on my fourteenth birthday, after my engagement to Attilal had been announced. I was crying my eyes out in the barn when he came up to me. Little prick, didn’t listen to a word I said, and stayed by me, even when I commanded him to leave. And in turn he became my best friend, boyfriend, and finally fiancé, all in secret of course. If my father were ever to find out that I even considered the thought of marrying a man other than Attilal Lynite, I think he might disinherit me. No, stinking, joke.

But sometimes, I feel that Andrew does not mean enough to me to marry. We don’t kiss, not because he doesn’t want too, but because I don’t let him. I don’t know, something, just doesn’t seem right about the thought. It is like somewhere in my mind, it knows that Andrew is not the right one for me, and it is preparing me for when I meet him.

I am only fifteen, and Andrew barely sixteen. And even though we are engaged, I do not feel that either of us is old enough or mature enough to make such a decision as to who is going to be our life long partner, a decision that we are going to have to live with the rest of our very long lives.

I don’t know, sometimes I feel like Andrew is hiding something from me. A gleam in his eye when he says something, as if there is more to the sentence than what he lets on, like there is a hidden meaning I am never meant to find out. Am I wrong? I may never know. I always thought I was more to Andrew than a trophy girl, because of our secret relationship, but I am beginning to doubt it. And I don’t know why. He hasn’t given me any cause to; it is just I feel something is not right. I have this strange feeling that everyone’s lives are about to change soon, but I don’t know if it is for the better or for the worst, perhaps both.

Andrew asked me to dance last night at the ball, a tango it was, and in return got the evil eye from my father and Attilal. You see, Andrew is not even close to my rank. He is nothing but Attilal’s squire. Not even in the same time zone as my social class, if you care about things like that.

As Dr. Seuss so rightly put it, “A person’s a person no matter how small.” I don’t see how nobles and royals can think they are better than everyone else. They aren’t. We may have a little bit more money and hold a little higher position in society. But we aren’t better than them. If anything they are better than us. They do the work that we won’t, we sit lazily on our bums all day and they do the work that provides for our comfortable lifestyle.

The unspoken rule of society is “Never marry someone in a lower social class than you.” But that crazy! What if Mr. Right is not a Prince or a Head Knight what are you supposed to do? Forget about him, and the love you two share. No person in their right mind would do that. They would have to be brainwashed by society to ever even consider the thought. If Prince Charming came along, and he wasn’t a prince, I would still marry him.

I would even prefer it. It is not like I cannot take care of myself. I have money, and lots of it. I don’t need anything. All I want is someone who will love me in all of my moods. I am not Princess Alanea to him; I am Alanea, his Alanea, the angel of his heart. That is all I ever want to be to him, not a sovereign but a spouse, an equal in both heart and mind. That is what he would be to me.

And even though I value Andrew highly, I don’t think he thinks of me like this. I believe to him, I will always be the Princess and him the squire. I will never be the equal. I believe that I will, if anything, become subservient to him. Not his wife, but his property. But as a friend, I can value no one as highly, no one but you.

But my other option is Attilal. And what option is that. I do not know if he will treat me as a superior and follow me around like a puppy, doing willingly whatever I say. Or if he will, once he is King, see me as beneath him. I was his stair step up, and now I a step below, the Queen, second to his king.

Perhaps it is better, for a future Queen to never marry at all. I have read books about this queen on a different world, Elizabeth I, who did not marry, but ruled her country in her own right, and she is known greatly because of it. But, it is believed by all, that a woman cannot handle ruling alone. Our brains are too small to handle the strain of ruling a country or the knowledge required to rule. The men who hold this view, most of them anyway, I surpassed their education when I was twelve, and I am still gaining knowledge from lessons they will never have. Uneducated and unqualified I’m not, but female I am, and that is cause enough to not trust me with the reins of Wingspan.

Women are too flighty. They never stick with their decisions. They are ruled by their emotions. They must marry, and marry soon if their husbands ever have the hope of controlling them, and thinking for them. That is why my own marriage to Attilal has been set for shortly after my sixteenth birthday. So short a time for me to find true love, if fate does not step in, what will my life become?

It will be a never ending parade of balls and meetings, dinners and public appearances, a husband at my side who I don’t love like I should, a husband who will boss me around as if I am a slave. I will never get to make any of my own decisions when it comes to politics or Wingspan. Attilal will make them all and I will be expected to smile and nod my head and agree, even if I am screaming on the inside for him to do something else. I have to find a way out. I do not think I can live if this is my life.

I beg you, my dear beloved quiet friend, to pray that God sends fate to intervene soon, for if he does not, I do not know what I will become.

Your Own Beloved Friend,
Alanea Leanne Loraina